How do you choose the music and readings for a funeral service?

Some songs can take you back in just a few seconds.

The first notes begin… and suddenly we’re transported back to a road trip, a Sunday morning in the kitchen, a family gathering, or someone who always sang a little too loudly.

Words sometimes have the same power.

A prayer I’ve heard since childhood. A poem. A few lines written by a grandchild.

A phrase that person had been repeating for as long as anyone could remember.

When planning a funeral service, choosing the music and readings can therefore become a very personal way of telling the story of a life.

But with so many options to choose from, one question often comes up: Which one should I choose?

You don’t have to find the perfect song or the most impressive lyrics.

Instead, look for what resembles that person.

Music can sometimes express what words alone struggle to convey.

It can welcome loved ones at the beginning of the ceremony, accompany a moment of reflection, or conclude the tribute on a particularly meaningful note.

But above all, a song can become a memory in and of itself.

Imagine a man who always listened to the same song while working in his garage.

On the day of his funeral, the first notes ring out in the room. For his children, friends, and former colleagues, it is no longer just a song.

That’s him.

That’s why choosing music shouldn’t necessarily start with a search for “the most popular songs for funerals.”

The best question is often much simpler:

What did he or she like to listen to?

Start with memories.

Did they have a favorite artist?

Was there a song associated with the couple?

Was there a song that the person used to play at family gatherings?

Was there a piece of music connected to a trip, their childhood, or an important period in their life?

Ultimately, the style doesn’t really matter.

A classic piece may be perfectly suited for one person and mean absolutely nothing to another.

Conversely, a country song, a Quebec folk song, an instrumental piece, a religious hymn, or even an unexpected song can be deeply moving when it conveys something true.

Here are a few questions that might help:

• What song immediately makes you think of this person?
• Did she have a favorite artist or band?
• Was there a piece of music associated with her relationship or her family?
• Was there a song she often sang?
• Did she prefer classical, pop, religious, instrumental, or traditional music?
• Had she ever expressed a wish for a specific song to be played at her funeral?

You don’t have to choose what others consider “funeral music.”
You choose her music.

Yes… but that’s not all.

It’s helpful to read through the full lyrics of a song before memorizing them.

A beautiful melody can sometimes accompany lyrics whose meaning is less suited to the ceremony than one might have imagined.

That said, the lyrics don’t tell the whole story.

A song can be incredibly meaningful simply because it was the one that two people had been listening to together for 40 years.

It may bring to mind a family vacation, a dance, a habit, or simply the personality of the deceased.

In this case, its personal meaning may be much more important than its title or the literal meaning of each sentence.

So a song doesn’t have to be directly about death, grief, or saying goodbye to be appropriate for a ceremony.

Sometimes she just needs to talk about him. Or about her.

La musique peut accompagner différents moments de la cérémonie.

A cozy room can welcome loved ones as they enter.

A meaningful song can accompany a photo montage.

Another one might provide a few minutes of quiet reflection after the testimonials.

And what about the last song?

It often deserves special attention.

It is the one that can accompany the final moments of the gathering.

Some families choose something very gentle; others prefer to end with a lively song that better reflects their loved one’s personality.

There is no universal rule.
What matters most is creating a natural flow, with enough space between the songs, the lyrics, and the silences.

Yes, silences have their place, too.

As with music, the choice depends on the individual, their beliefs, and the type of ceremony.

In a religious ceremony, some readings may be taken from sacred texts or chosen according to the rites of the respective denomination.

In a non-religious ceremony, there are generally more options.

You can choose a poem, a literary passage, a philosophical text, a reflection on life, or even a few words written especially for the deceased.

But the most moving piece of writing isn’t always by a famous author.

It can be much simpler.

A letter from a spouse.

A few sentences written by the grandchildren.

A story told by a friend. Even a phrase that person used all the time can become the starting point for a beautiful tribute.

Above all, the text must have a reason for being there.

When families are looking for a eulogy, they often think they have to find something that’s already been written.

It’s not required.

A few memories recounted in a simple way can be much more evocative than a long, solemn text.

We can start with three questions:

What did this person teach us?

What will we miss most about her?

Which story best represents her?

The answers don’t have to be extraordinary.
“Dad used to call every Sunday morning, always at the same time.”
This sentence seems very simple. Yet, for his children, it can encapsulate years of affection, routine, and presence.

It’s often in these little details that you really get to know someone.

A spouse, child, grandchild, brother, sister, friend, or coworker may speak.

But no one should feel obligated to do so.

Reading aloud in front of a group of people when emotions are running high can be difficult. If someone wants to write a text but doesn’t feel able to read it aloud, someone else can do it for them.

You can also include several short testimonials instead of a single long speech.

This approach sometimes allows us to discover different sides of a person: the father, the friend, the coworker, the grandfather…

A life told through many voices.

The choice also depends on the type of ceremony.

In a religious ceremony, certain traditions provide more specific guidelines regarding the readings and musical pieces that may be included in the service.

It is therefore best to check the options with the person in charge of the ceremony.

A secular ceremony generally offers more freedom to tailor the tribute to the tastes, values, and life story of the deceased.

However, that doesn’t mean you have to choose between tradition and personalization.

A family may wish to include an important prayer while also playing a popular song that the deceased loved.

A spiritual passage can be paired with a friend’s testimony.

What matters is consistency with the beliefs and wishes of the person being honored.

It doesn’t have to be just one person who chooses everything.

Ask the children, “What song reminds you of Mom?”

Ask the grandchildren the same question.

The answers may surprise you.

A song that a child associates with long family trips may be completely different from the one a spouse associates with the couple’s early years.

And that’s perfectly fine.

These choices tell different stories of the same life.

Gathering a few loved ones to listen to songs, look at photographs, and share memories can also naturally help reveal the theme of the ceremony.

The music takes on even greater meaning when it interacts with the other elements of the tribute.

A song can accompany a photo montage.

A text can be read next to an object that represents a passion.

Images from trips may flash by while a song plays that the person used to enjoy listening to on the road.

Memorial items can also extend this personalization and allow loved ones to keep a meaningful memento after the funeral.

At the Marie-Soleil Phaneuf Funeral Home, televisions and a sound system are available to display photographs, video montages, and music during moments of reflection and viewings.

The goal isn’t to fill every minute.

It’s about choosing a few elements that, together, tell a story.

Yes.

And it can be much simpler than you might think.

As part of prearranged funeral plans, a person can specify certain wishes regarding their ceremony.

They can write down the title of a song they’d like to hear.

Mention an important prayer. Choose a passage. Or simply describe the atmosphere they want: simple, religious,
intimate, warm…

It’s not necessary to plan every minute.

Just a few guidelines can already provide valuable direction for the family.

Don’t worry.

In the days following a death, it can be difficult to think about these kinds of details.

Memories sometimes come back in no particular order, and there seem to be so many decisions to make.

Start by telling us about the person.

What she liked. What she listened to. Her beliefs. Her passions. Her personality.

At Marie-Soleil Phaneuf Funeral Home, we can assist you in planning the ceremony and help you consider the various elements that might be included in the tribute.

You don’t have to find the perfect song.

You don’t have to write the perfect text either.

A few familiar notes. A true story. A voice that trembles slightly as it recounts a memory.

Sometimes, that’s exactly what you need.

You can contact us to discuss the ceremony, your ideas, or simply the options available to your family.

“Because every life deserves a final tribute filled with tenderness and respect, we are here to support you.”