{"id":30897,"date":"2026-08-12T10:29:41","date_gmt":"2026-08-12T14:29:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/residencemariesoleilphaneuf.com\/you-have-the-right-to-stop-talking-to-your-mother\/"},"modified":"2026-08-12T10:29:42","modified_gmt":"2026-08-12T14:29:42","slug":"you-have-the-right-to-stop-talking-to-your-mother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/residencemariesoleilphaneuf.com\/en\/you-have-the-right-to-stop-talking-to-your-mother\/","title":{"rendered":"You Have the Right to Stop Talking to Your Mother"},"content":{"rendered":"

You Have the Right to Stop Talking to Your Mother
(June 11, 2018)<\/p>\n

How many times a day do you think about it? Or maybe just once a month? At Christmas? Or on their birthday, when it happens to occur to you what date it is that day? <\/p>\n

It doesn’t matter. Give yourself permission. Permission to have cut ties with your mother…..https:\/\/www.lafabriquecrepue.com\/2018\/06\/11\/tas-le-droit-de-ne-plus-parler-a-ta-mere-par-patrick-laperriere-pop-up\/<\/a> <\/p>\n

Recommended reading: The 7 Stages of Grief.<\/a><\/p>\n

Please don\u2019t get me wrong\u2014I\u2019m not passing judgment here. Every family breakup involves a share of fault on both sides. Differences of opinion, baffling actions, and questionable remarks are viewed differently by both parties. Otherwise, there would be no conflict\u2014and that would be just fine. <\/p>\n

But give yourself permission. Permission not to feel guilty that this unfortunate thing happened, not to understand what on earth could have happened to lead to this. Permission to believe that since she\u2019s your mother\u2014the very one who gave you life\u2014nothing could break that deep, unbreakable bond. And yet\u2026 <\/p>\n

The moment you decide you\u2019ve had enough, you\u2019ll experience a range of emotions. They\u2019ll be nothing compared to what you\u2019ll feel afterward\u2014certainty and doubt. Wanting to forgive them for everything one day, and coming to terms with losing them forever the next. Doubting yourself. Telling yourself that as a parent, you\u2019d never do that, that you\u2019d never let it get to that point. It\u2019ll sometimes feel chaotic inside. That\u2019s okay\u2014you have emotions, a heart, and the regret of a parent-child relationship that didn\u2019t work out and still isn\u2019t working, despite your best efforts. You didn\u2019t necessarily ask for this. <\/p>\n

And on top of that, you\u2019re the only one who\u2019ll have to deal with all those worries and doubts. Just wait until one day\u2014especially the first time\u2014you have to answer, in all honesty: \u201cI don\u2019t talk to my mom anymore.\u201d <\/p>\n

Whether or not people judge you on the inside doesn\u2019t matter, but just hearing it said to your face hurts deep down. It hurts a lot. But give yourself the right\u2014the right to acknowledge it and still not accept it. <\/p>\n

And you\u2019ll be judged. By one person or a hundred. Without fail. By the woman who has an amazing relationship with her mother. Who couldn\u2019t live without her. Who doesn\u2019t go a single day without calling her\u2014several times a day. By the man who never knew his own mother and who, if he had one like mine, would take such good care of her. And you know what? You\u2019re right. Everyone deals with their own situation. <\/p>\n

You\u2019ll come across as the bad guy\u2014not just for cutting off contact with her, but also for owning it publicly. You\u2019ll feel like you have to justify the unjustifiable. Having to stand your ground when your relationship\u2014it\u2019s your relationship, and only you know it. That same relationship that has led you to no longer be able to turn to her the way you turn to your mother, whether you\u2019re 4 or 44. Breaking the habit, when your life hits a snag, of picking up the phone, pouring out your troubles, only to be told in the end that you\u2019re the most handsome and the smartest. It didn\u2019t help you at all once you hung up, but sometimes that\u2019s all you wanted to hear from the least objective person in the world standing right in front of you. A mother\u2019s love\u2014just for the comfort it brings\u2014is sometimes all you need. <\/p>\n

But when all of that is gone, when it\u2019s no longer possible, give yourself permission. Permission to be at peace with it. <\/p>\n

You didn\u2019t want it to come to this. You didn\u2019t ask for it. And you must have had to endure quite a few tough episodes before you finally mustered up the courage to put an end to it. To end it for yourself. For your mood swings after talking to him. For the self-doubt you felt at the end of every conversation. For the feeling that you were never good enough, no matter what you did. For the two dinner invitations you received in nearly 15 years\u2014just because they broke the routine. For the countless rejections you endured after inviting her\u2014in that case\u2014and the multitude of excuses you heard for not coming, including even those you never thought you\u2019d hear, yet you still had to be available at all times afterward, just in case. That gave you the right. The right to give it up\u2014not because she\u2019s a bad person, but despite everything. <\/p>\n

You don\u2019t have to have been subjected to an unforgivable act. Sometimes, the accumulation of small actions over time is enough to justify your decision. An accumulation that usually comes to a head with an insignificant act or remark. That very insignificance will jump out at you when you recount it to explain why, adding, \u201cThat happened, but it wasn\u2019t just that\u2026,\u201d as if you had to specify it, because you can clearly see what the other person thinks of it. <\/p>\n

Being a mother is more than just a title. I know several women who are mothers even though they don\u2019t have children\u2014through their actions and their concern for a child\u2019s happiness. Being there when it matters, through thick and thin. <\/p>\n

Can you hear it? Hear the \u201cOh my God, that\u2019s your MOM!? We only have one!\u201d That\u2019s when I know there\u2019s no point in explaining it. Fortunately, these moments are often softened by glimpses of life where someone feels understood because they\u2019re going through the same thing and are therefore really happy to see that they\u2019re not alone. Not out of pride, but out of compassion. You\u2019ll get there. <\/p>\n

The more the years fly by, the older we get, the more we feel that nostalgia\u2014seeing your own mother, who hasn\u2019t done nothing but wrong, growing old too. You don\u2019t need to be in touch with her to know this. And despite everything that separates you, you might find yourself softening and letting go of your resentment at the mere thought that one day she\u2019ll be gone without her one and only child. It can tear you apart and make you question everything\u2014and that, too, can be very difficult. You\u2019re aware of that. <\/p>\n

Allow yourself to make this big decision, just as I allowed myself to do so the day I decided for myself that it would be better this way. Better for me. Better for my health. Trust your instincts\u2014they know better than anyone else what\u2019s good for you and your well-being. I gave it my all, tried, and tried again and again. I tried to understand, to become empathy itself\u2014seeing through different eyes and with extraordinary detachment\u2014but it was impossible. I couldn\u2019t do it; I just couldn\u2019t make it work. Maybe you\u2019ll be able to\u2026 <\/p>\n

To you who are going through this or have gone through it, I hope you can find a way to forgive\u2014whether it\u2019s her, if you think that\u2019s the best solution, or, above all, yourself, should the breakup happen. If you\u2019ve managed to bridge the chasm that had formed between you, I want to shout \u201cBRAVO!\u201d to you from the bottom of my heart. You\u2019ll have succeeded because everything can be mended when you\u2019re together. We only have one mother, and that\u2019s true. Just as they may only have one child. And even if they had seven, what difference would it make? <\/p>\n

I myself put an end to this relationship, which was punctuated by doubts and fears. All of this is unique and specific to you. There\u2019s nothing perfect about a relationship; it can be all over the place just as easily as it can be perfectly straight. Straight like a mother\u2019s unconditional love for her child. Straight as a child\u2019s unwavering love for their mother. Straight as I wish I\u2019d felt that day, when I allowed myself to stop talking to my own mother. Just the desire for someone to tell me: \u201cYou have the right, Patrick, to stop talking to your mother. \u201d A right I\u2019ve exercised for nearly five years now. Could I ever imagine going back on my decision? I\u2019m leaving that right open for myself\u2026 <\/p>\n<\/div>

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